


Hero (He's Ordinary)

by luninosity



Category: Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types, Captain America, Iron Man (Movies)
Genre: Captain America 1944, Dialogue-Only, Established Relationship, M/M, Movie Night
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-10-12
Updated: 2012-10-12
Packaged: 2017-11-16 03:41:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 515
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/535083
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/luninosity/pseuds/luninosity
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Steve and Tony watch the 1944 black-and-white Captain America serial and are, respectively, hideously embarrassed and wonderfully amused. Italicized quotes come directly from the serial.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Hero (He's Ordinary)

**Author's Note:**

> Spoilers (all italicized quotes) for the 1944 serial. Also, the Dynamic Vibrator is probably not what you think it is. At one point in the serial they use it to knock down a building. Title courtesy of the Foo Fighters, as usual.

“Steve?”

“What?”

“Come here!”

“Why?”

“I have something to show you. It’s amazing. Trust me.”

“I remember the last time you said that.”

“I promise you that there is nothing explosive involved this time. Also, I made popcorn.”

“Fine.”

_Republic Pictures Presents: Captain America!_

“Oh, my god. Is that me? That’s not me!”

“It’s like watching a black-and-white apocalypse, isn’t it?”

“Where…what…?”

“It came out the year after you disappeared. My dad kept a copy, apparently. Who’s Grant Gardner? Why are you a District Attorney?”

“I don’t know! Why am I fat? I’m not fat!”

_“Bring me the Purple Death Bombs.”_

“I’m very confused.”

“Do you think they were trying to cover up your real identity for some reason?”

“That’s the only explanation I can think of…”

_“We’re here to witness your demonstration of the Dynamic Vibrator.”_

_“I'm glad you came. I alone know the secret of this machine and it's a heavy responsibility.”_

“Did they say ‘Dynamic Vibrator’?”

“I don’t know what you’re thinking, Tony, but I’m sure it’s not what the writers had in mind.”

_“Hey! This dame’s wise to our setup!”_

“That’s a tractor. Why am I being run over by a tractor?”

“I’m starting to like this Professor character. He’s a tough old guy.”

“Please don’t like anything about this.”

“Hey, did that guy just hit you with a two-by-four?”

_“This is murder!”_

_“That’s right! Wholesale murder!”_

“Who’s responsible for this thing, anyway? Republic Pictures? Timely Comics?”

“Never heard of them.”

“I can see why…”

_“This serum contains an extract of groofula jungle flower, which is a very efficient truth serum. Under its influence, you will tell me anything I want to know. Unfortunately for you, the effects never wear off and you'll spend the rest of your life in an insane asylum - a hopeless idiot!”_

“Maybe vodka will make it less confusing.”

“There’s not enough vodka in the world for that, Tony.”

_“A dead man has been brought back to life!”_

“You know, I don’t think the vodka helped.”

_"Thanks to Captain America, who we now know to be our fighting District Attorney, the Scarab and his murderous gang will pay the supreme penalty in the electric chair at the stroke of midnight tonight…”_

“Is is over? Oh, thank god…”

“I don’t know, I thought it was getting better toward the end. Love the costume, too.”

“Why aren’t there any old embarrassing movies of people who aren’t you?”

“Because I’m amazing. Wait here! I’ve got an idea!”

“Tony, where are you going?”

 

“Tony?”

 

“Tony, I’m making coffee. And I’m using your expensive imported beans. Tell me if you want some.”

 

“I’m back! Look, I made you something.”

“I don’t know if I want to thank you yet. What is it?”

“Come on, Steve, don’t you recognize a Dynamic Vibrator when you see one?”

“I don’t think I like you anymore.”

“It totally works, too. Even though I had to scale the power back a little to make it this small.”

“Tony…”

“If you want to test it out, I promise not to tell anyone.”

“…oh, all right. Let’s go.”


End file.
